Maybe Tomorrow

I can't seem to get this healthy eating thing started.  And yet, I still expect results every morning when I step on the scale.  Breastfeeding only burns so many calories. It's not going to happen on its own, but I can't find the discipline right now. 

Someday, I'm not going to crave my afternoon chocolate fix.  But, right now, it gets me through. I know I have to be the one to break the habit.  I have to be the one to make the smarter choices, but I can't seem to muster the willpower at the moment, or the day, or the week, for that matter.  I guess part of it is that I just want my weight problem to go away on its own. I don't want to deal with what's behind it.  The other thing is that food is my coping mechanism - my ONE coping mechanism.  I'm terrified to give that up. How can I keep anxieties and stresses at bay without that?  I know people say to find other options.  Maybe writing here will be one of them, but when you've done something for over 30 years, it's a hard habit to break.

Every day I swear today is going to be different.  Today definitely wasn't, but then maybe it was. At least I'm thinking about what I can do.  At least I'm aware that I need to do something different.  I will make this happen.  I just don't know when.

The first day of many

It's official.  I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life. Granted, I just gave birth to my second child a month ago, so I guess there's room to cut myself some slack.  Still, being this heavy is unnerving.  I'm 201 pounds.  Ok, it's out there now - horrifyingly out there.

For some reason, starting this blog felt like the right first step in my weight loss journey this time.  I've struggled with being overweight all my life and clearly have never dealt with the underlying issues.  Somehow blogging about it feels like it could help me tackle it one more time. I don't know if it's just the process of writing or the fact that I'm putting it out there so publicly. At the very least, it's documenting the journey and offering me an alternative for exploring the emotions that I've always dealt with with food. 

So, today the path begins. I don't have a diet or exercise plan at this point.  For today, this is it.  I'll find my way with the other pieces as the journey unfolds. But, maybe it's good to start in a way I never have before.  Maybe it will help me get somewhere different.