Maybe Tomorrow

I can't seem to get this healthy eating thing started.  And yet, I still expect results every morning when I step on the scale.  Breastfeeding only burns so many calories. It's not going to happen on its own, but I can't find the discipline right now. 

Someday, I'm not going to crave my afternoon chocolate fix.  But, right now, it gets me through. I know I have to be the one to break the habit.  I have to be the one to make the smarter choices, but I can't seem to muster the willpower at the moment, or the day, or the week, for that matter.  I guess part of it is that I just want my weight problem to go away on its own. I don't want to deal with what's behind it.  The other thing is that food is my coping mechanism - my ONE coping mechanism.  I'm terrified to give that up. How can I keep anxieties and stresses at bay without that?  I know people say to find other options.  Maybe writing here will be one of them, but when you've done something for over 30 years, it's a hard habit to break.

Every day I swear today is going to be different.  Today definitely wasn't, but then maybe it was. At least I'm thinking about what I can do.  At least I'm aware that I need to do something different.  I will make this happen.  I just don't know when.