We went to the beach today. I asked my husband to take a picture of me in all my bathing-suited glory. Other than being naked (I'm not that courageous), this was as revealing a before picture as I could devise. Part of the journey this time is for me to look at myself more intently and see myself more clearly than I ever have. For some reason, I know that that is going to be a big part in understanding the why of my weight.
I'm finding it kind of amazing that what I see in the picture is actually much better than what I see in my head. Yes, she's overweight, but she's not as hideous as that voice inside my head makes her out to be. She just looks real. Maybe I'm more forgiving now that I have more perspective in life. I see a mom, a professional, a wife, a writer, a daughter, a student, a sister, a friend, and most importantly a strong woman. So, perhaps the before isn't so bad after all.
But, despite fulfilling all those roles, having all those abilities, I still don't feel comfortable in my own skin. For some reason, I need to see that strength, that discipline externally for it to be real to me. It's like this is the one area in my life where I always fail, so it detracts from all of the rest of who I am. It always makes me feel less than. I guess what I really need is a before picture of my psyche.
1 comment:
I will be back for a more thoughtful response, right now, I thank you for sharing.
I see a beautiful, authentic, and brave woman. One who articulated a lot of what is true for me too. With all of that I find myself wiping away a tear.
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