I've officially lost seven pounds so far. We'll see what this week holds on Wednesday morning. I guess this is where making that whole shift from "dieting" to "lifestyle change" would help. I'm so not there, yet. It doesn't help that I live with a man who can eat anything he wants and never gain a pound. Hell yes, I'm envious. Am I really going to have to thoughtfully consider what I put in my mouth FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE???? Ugh! We all have our own unique challenges in life, right?
Maybe I just need to dial back the intensity of my resentment about mine. I mean really, how hard is it to consider what I put in my mouth and avoid stuffing down my emotions with food?Ok, some days it's really hard. But, only because I make it that way. I know there's a part of me that likes wallowing in my weight, a part that worries about the fact that once I tackle this I'll have to look at something deeper. Plus, my weight is my protective coating, my armor that keeps me safe from rejection and in the failure I know. What if what I'm feeling isn't so much boredom as it is fear? What if I'm scared of the steady progress? What if the slow steady route is making me look at things a little differently and more deeply? Ok, I'm not bored. I'm terrified of what I'm about to uncover.
3 comments:
I am so very moved by your courage and willingness to be openly vulnerable. You are such an inspiration and a blindingly bright light!
I thank you for expressing your truth!
;)
Hugs and support!
;)
Amy
I've never really bought into the protective armor thing...it just never really spoke to me, till maybe now:
'safe from rejection and in the failure I know'
Talk about shining the light on something that I had previously completely rejected. Thank you.
steph
I totally relate to the idea of a protective coating. When I am heavy, I often tell myself "People just don't listen to the fat girl. If I were thin, I'd have the world at my feet." And then if I don't ever get thin, I don't have to test that hypothesis! :)
I have had a ton of plateaus on my weight loss this time, and I find that it helps me to just plod along, not doing anything, just waiting it out until I feel more motivated. I pretty much just maintain during that time. And I tell myself it's okay. And it is. :) Plus I can have a cupcake if I need one. ;)
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